Sabrina and I have been spending a lot of time chatting lately. As we do. Our chats - hers and mine particularly - are really thought provoking and give me great fodder for blogging material. As they do.
She asked me if babies are ever born stuck together.
Let's get some context.
About a year ago, I had mentioned to Things 1 and 2 that at a recent Layla appointment, we had to go get some bloodwork done for her at the hospital during one of her regular visits. At that time, I had the pleasure of saying "hi" to a pair of sweet twin girls who were conjoined. I told them what conjoined twins are. Maya had many questions of which I did my best to answer. As I do.
Sabrina was quietly eating and listening. She tends to be the listener at home, in the car. At times in the throws of busy childhood business, it is often she that goes unnoticed. Maya is the first born with some unwritten entitlement to be the speaker of the house, singer in the car and shower, dictator of all board games. Layla requires us to tend to her functions so she keeps us all dancing around.
Sabrina is ingesting this all. Up until this year - once her 7th birthday hit, she didn't use her words clearly enough to articulate her thoughts. We just assumed that she wasn't interested.
Now the brain to mouth connection is strong. Her ability to read and connect with pictures to understand concepts and create fuller richer ideas is strengthening.
Just between you and me, she as an infant was the scary offspring whose personality type lent itself to running the household otherwise, watch out! Now as a bright and bubbly seven year old, her thought process scares me. But we won't clue her into my fear.....
Now the past 7 years of life is all on the discussion table. And no topic is barred. Bring it!!
I do love the honesty and sincerity; all blanketed in the warmth of my assuring and protective arms. I will speak the truth and I have trust in knowing that I speak to what my kiddies wish to know and learn about. If ever I am not sure, if ever its starts to feel like it could be too much for them or for me, I wait. I dig deeper.
And, I seek counsel from my gurus.
Like my daughters, I ask those whom I trust many questions. Then I come back to the discussion when I sort out what is right for us. Sometimes, they bring it back to the table before I am ready for the onslaught. Sometimes, I tell them that when I know better, I will let them know.
Sometimes, these discussions turn into an episode of Seinfeld or a late night talk show. Sometimes I just hit the gong button.
I trust in the abundance of love that is the place that I speak to them from. The world is under the feet that they are walking on. They ask me questions - I love that they do. Scary, stupid, simple, sophisticated, shitty and sweet.
They also know that if they ask me a non life threatening/safety/well being related or otherwise uninteresting question before 7am or after 8pm, I charge 25 cents per question.
Let's go back now to Sabrina's thought process..
"Mommy, if two babies are born stuck together and the doctors unstick them, will one of them die?"
That's the question and god did I ever feels sad ..... I let the wave of sad flow through me and in that time, decided on the approach. I said this.
"Imagine if you and Maya were twins, born at the same time, and imagine if you came out of Mommy holding one anothers hands. Imagine if the doctor told your parents that if they separated our babies' hands that only one of them could live and the other one may not be healthy enough. What do you think Sabrina, that we as the babies parents would do?"
She said.
"Never let go, I would hold on and never let go"
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