I was in the dark
I was falling hard
With an open heart
Falling from cloud nine
Crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight
I'm falling from cloud nine
Falling from the sky I am. I am falling. I will keep you (and me) posted of the fall - I am super high up so it could take a while.
Crashing. Now that's a sure fire way of getting my head out out of my ass where it has been squarely plugged for some time.
Here's the thing......
and it's in my choices. I let my heart be my guide. I've learned to quiet the noises in my head and allow the wisdom in my heart to steer this ship.
My choices are not all smart ones - from the outside. However - and I stand by this one so strongly, I make my decisions with passion. Paaaasssssiiiiooooonnnnnn.
Living passionately is for me. My rights. My decisions.
You are not the right choice but I am passionate about you.
- June 2013
Friday, January 2, 2015
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Sailing Into 2015
Maya came home from soccer practice the evening of December 30th. She was cold, achy, tired and holding onto a golden trophy. She had won MVP for the year end soccer tournament. Maya the MVP! I hoisted her up into the air and freaked out. She has grown a lot for an 11 year old and is less than an inch to my height.
I love having so many things in my life to hoot and holler over. Maya is a gentle pillar of all things blissful in childhood. I tell her that I am in love and she hugs me. I tell her I miss my Mum and she hugs me. I tell her that life is grande and she replies yes it is. Then we call Nana (grandpa) and share the MVP excitement with him.
The girls and I are headed forward to 2015. Another year full of potential. The girls - by and large - are on track.
Layla's track is hectic, full-on and secretly very scary (but she doesn't know that and I won't let on... sshhhh). She's rarin' to go!
Sabrina's track is fitted for roller and ice skates. Literally and figuratively. She's rolling, sliding, bumping and beat boxing along into the new year.
Maya is walking tall and poised.... toward awkward adolescence. Slowly but surely. She carries the reality of magic in the back pocket of her skinny jeans - along with crumpled up candy wrappers. I do your laundry kid!!
Headed into 2015 with:
1. Resolves
The year began with my coming off of a plane, then on to being in hospital bedside with my mummy, and then - sadly but surely - into the warm and loving arms of true friends and family.
I love having so many things in my life to hoot and holler over. Maya is a gentle pillar of all things blissful in childhood. I tell her that I am in love and she hugs me. I tell her I miss my Mum and she hugs me. I tell her that life is grande and she replies yes it is. Then we call Nana (grandpa) and share the MVP excitement with him.
The girls and I are headed forward to 2015. Another year full of potential. The girls - by and large - are on track.
Layla's track is hectic, full-on and secretly very scary (but she doesn't know that and I won't let on... sshhhh). She's rarin' to go!
Sabrina's track is fitted for roller and ice skates. Literally and figuratively. She's rolling, sliding, bumping and beat boxing along into the new year.
Maya is walking tall and poised.... toward awkward adolescence. Slowly but surely. She carries the reality of magic in the back pocket of her skinny jeans - along with crumpled up candy wrappers. I do your laundry kid!!
Headed into 2015 with:
1. Resolves
- sort out my clutter in my home
- tie up loose ends and close doors that remain ajar
- turn it all up Feng Shui style
- get a job. Sitting on my arse doing nothing just makes a sane woman mad. Trust me on it.
2. Sadness in the Sunshine
....... I miss my mother terribly. I want her to come back to me so that I can caress her beautiful face and smile at one another. So that I can erase the sadness in my dad's voice and in my brother's eyes.
Whenever I went out to where Mum would be, I scour the room for her eyes.
This loss takes time to adjust to. And in this time my life continues to unfold as it will. "Mum, I am grateful that your spirit feels so close to me..... I wish for stability in this time of transition. Your spirit resides in the light and heat of the sunshine. You are glorious....."
3. Sailing On
Perhaps we are all chasing after love and security and la dee da. Or perhaps just me.... my quest to correct all that went ape-shit wrong!
Oh yeah I found all sorts of fun stuff in my search, the best finding was myself. What makes me tick, what makes me fly, what illuminates me.
Real love - in all its forms serves me. My kids - all three, all different, all them = real. Mum dying = real. Real life.
Feeling alive, spirited and having fun fuels me. I have been seeking an end and I'm kinda done with this goal. Because that would be the end of the line for me. End is death. The joy is in this journey.
The year began with my coming off of a plane, then on to being in hospital bedside with my mummy, and then - sadly but surely - into the warm and loving arms of true friends and family.
Crying on the inside, soldiering onward....
I got soul but I'm not a soldier
I got soul but I'm not a soldier
I GOT SOUL BUT I'M NOT A SOLDIER
Last leg of the year, I found myself aboard a new ship,and I have certainly relished in this ride. A loving boat with one hell of a Captain. Sigh.
Now it is carrying me back home to me. Jennifer. To look after Jennifer. What's next?
Now it is carrying me back home to me. Jennifer. To look after Jennifer. What's next?
A humpy camel....
HA!!! God I am awesome :)
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