My mom, dad, my brother and I moved into this home back in April 1979. The new owners take ownership on the 12 of July. It's been the Dalmir family home for 33 years.
Among other things, it marks another end and another major change for my daughters and I.
Layla and Sabrina came home to this house when they were born.
With this house leaving our lives, it feels like my feet are again lifted off the earth. Having children - it's amazing - they give you grounding. My home is with them. Them and my mom, dad and my brother. Where they all dwell lies home.
It does feel a bit like I'm coming undone and reformed. So much of my person is defined by that home and the history that it holds.
With Layla being born to me, it has set me off on a wild new journey.
The family housed the family that I was born into and that which I made. It was the house that supported my being married.
I will miss this house and I will miss the me that once was. The universe has a different design for me and I think I'm becoming less resistant to the changes taking shape.
Most importantly, as we leave our house, I feel so much pride for my parents; for their building the family house in Vancouver and for their integrity. I wonder how they feel. Sadness in letting this beautiful home go and the reality that comes with. My god how things do change.
I have to say goodbye to my beloved home and to the solid ground that it gave me for so many years, as a child, a girl, a woman, a mother. Thank you home for supporting me and for always being there NO MATTER what or when I needed you. You have given me so much comfort and joy over these years. I loved within your strong and sturdy and safe walls. Within your walls will always be my spirit and the spirit of our loving family. You have done your job and we bid you well with your new occupants.
It is really sad and hard to say goodbye to you and I love you very much.
I will build a family home for my family - a space for all to come and feel like home.
It's my turn.
“In the end
these things matter most:
How well did you love?
How fully did you live?
How deeply did you let go?”
― Siddhārtha Gautama
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Make Friends With Change
You have a home. Like me, you have a home.
My home has to be wheelchair accessible for Layla, and must generally be adapted to suit all her daily mobility challenges.
Today, Christmas came early. An expert in accessibility and his go-to builder - an expert in renovating homes for people with mobility challenges - assured me that I can make my townhouse work for Layla's growing needs.
Layla's OT was here for the meeting, she and I were together in sharing my stress over the decision of how to design my home around L's needs. We have had a past few weeks of heavy mulling and conversations over the suitability of my home for Layla. She knew all too well of my mild anxieties around moving - again.She sees through me. Nina. You have been with me since I have started my new journey; I hope I have led you on an enjoyable ride...
I said to her, when it looked very well like I had to relocate, that I was hard pressed to believe that people with wheelchair bound family member all must make such drastic changes in their lives.
But you know what I did? I have the sense to see that Layla is mine and with her comes a variety of differing decisions on my part.
Who gives a shit what the rest of the world must do. I must make the home that she lives in appropriate for her mobility and care needs. And, that her home is with me.
My decisions for my life are my own. I proudly accept that. One life, my life. My choices, my journey.
Anyhow, Nina and I, we did a happy jig together once the guys left my home totally confident that they can make my home work. And not just work - but work well and with the interest of me and all my daughters in mind.
Since the subject of my home opened, my positive inspiration for moving to some sort of clarity has been a in the words of a song.
But first.....
It came to me very quickly and clearly that all my decisions - obviously! - are based on what is best for my three children. If I have to relocate - so be it. But really!!!! I don't want to do this again to them or to me. Waaaaahhhhhhhh.
I am settled here. It is a humble little home. But it is mine and it provides comfort, safety, security, peace and warmth to my daughters. For me, it provides so much. It is my temple. I can't even explain. This place makes me happy. It is small and secure and boasts no frills whatsoever. It is an honest home for my needs and those of my children and it is practical. If I can afford more one day, then one day we may explore other options.
Maya said. "Please don't move so that we have to change schools".
After school pick up, we have been driving around the area here and scoping out one floor bungalows, getting the kids on board. I can't surprise them with unexpected changes anymore if I can help it.
The guys are going to outline what needs to be done and we are going to proceed. Let me rephrase - I will proceed.
Everything that I do is because I want to do the right thing. Come what may. The future is uncertain. Certain is the present. I have three beautiful companions whom I abide with. I will make this house their home.... I'm going to do it right for them.
Today, tomorrow and always girls - you have my word
"Home"
Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m gonna make this place your home
Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
- Phillip Phillips
My home has to be wheelchair accessible for Layla, and must generally be adapted to suit all her daily mobility challenges.
Today, Christmas came early. An expert in accessibility and his go-to builder - an expert in renovating homes for people with mobility challenges - assured me that I can make my townhouse work for Layla's growing needs.
Layla's OT was here for the meeting, she and I were together in sharing my stress over the decision of how to design my home around L's needs. We have had a past few weeks of heavy mulling and conversations over the suitability of my home for Layla. She knew all too well of my mild anxieties around moving - again.She sees through me. Nina. You have been with me since I have started my new journey; I hope I have led you on an enjoyable ride...
I said to her, when it looked very well like I had to relocate, that I was hard pressed to believe that people with wheelchair bound family member all must make such drastic changes in their lives.
But you know what I did? I have the sense to see that Layla is mine and with her comes a variety of differing decisions on my part.
Who gives a shit what the rest of the world must do. I must make the home that she lives in appropriate for her mobility and care needs. And, that her home is with me.
My decisions for my life are my own. I proudly accept that. One life, my life. My choices, my journey.
Anyhow, Nina and I, we did a happy jig together once the guys left my home totally confident that they can make my home work. And not just work - but work well and with the interest of me and all my daughters in mind.
Since the subject of my home opened, my positive inspiration for moving to some sort of clarity has been a in the words of a song.
But first.....
It came to me very quickly and clearly that all my decisions - obviously! - are based on what is best for my three children. If I have to relocate - so be it. But really!!!! I don't want to do this again to them or to me. Waaaaahhhhhhhh.
I am settled here. It is a humble little home. But it is mine and it provides comfort, safety, security, peace and warmth to my daughters. For me, it provides so much. It is my temple. I can't even explain. This place makes me happy. It is small and secure and boasts no frills whatsoever. It is an honest home for my needs and those of my children and it is practical. If I can afford more one day, then one day we may explore other options.
Maya said. "Please don't move so that we have to change schools".
After school pick up, we have been driving around the area here and scoping out one floor bungalows, getting the kids on board. I can't surprise them with unexpected changes anymore if I can help it.
The guys are going to outline what needs to be done and we are going to proceed. Let me rephrase - I will proceed.
Everything that I do is because I want to do the right thing. Come what may. The future is uncertain. Certain is the present. I have three beautiful companions whom I abide with. I will make this house their home.... I'm going to do it right for them.
Today, tomorrow and always girls - you have my word
"Home"
Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m gonna make this place your home
Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
- Phillip Phillips
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